The Fashion Issue

This is the fashion issue. All about style, trends, and shopping in C-Garh. First you have two major categories: Western wear and Ethnic (who the fuck came up with this name, I hate this word) wear. When it comes to Western wear, errybody and they mama wears jeans, it doesn't matter that it's 100 degrees outside. And when I go into bougie shops, I've noticed that they tend to have skinny jeans in stock...

...Which is the bridge to what's hot right now as far as Indian suits (aka salwar kameez aka tops & bottoms) go. You have churidar pajamas, which are the skinny jeans of salwars. Tight, well-fitted, gathering nicely at the ankles. These go well with sleeveless kurti tops, which are super popular right now whether long (down to the knees) or short (waist-length). Patiala salwars are traditional hella Punjabi big MC Hammer type salwars, which are also common, but I myself lean toward churidars. Traditional kameezes/kurtis have many great qualities, I've noticed. They can be worn with almost any type of salwar and can totally be worn with jeans when you want to switch things up (and totally cover up any ass crack that may be peeking out if you happened to go with riskay extra low-rise jeans, haha).

Unfortunately, I'm trying to blend in here, and people (read: guys) already stare a ridiculous amount (seriously, do they have nothing better to do but loiter and stare? why is that okay? girls wouldn't be able to get away with it), and I feel like it cramps my style. Or at least, I would be much more creative with my style here if it would attract less attention. Leggings and churidars can be interchanged for fusion outfits with long kurtis or the longer tops, be they tight- or loose-fitting, that are in style in the States. Chunnis (traditional long scarves) can be worn in a variety of ways too, not just across the neck, but around the neck the other way, more like scarves, or not at all, if that's acceptable. There are also a million different accessory options. Cute, closed flats can be worn not just with jeans, but suits too. Sandals, of which there are a wide variety- V-shaped straps, back straps, straps or beads around the big toe- can be worn with jeans too, and not just suits. As far as earrings go, simple hoops or long, beaded, dangly earrings can work. As far as bags, clutches or big bags in metallic colors would complement almost any type of outfit.

Finding the right clothing is pretty tough. Half the battle is finding something that is sophisticated and not overly gaudy. The other half is learning how to deal with pushy salesmen. I've been in dozens of stores, and have bought barely a handful of outfits. I'm rather unimpressed with what C-garh has to offer in terms of suits (salwar + kameez) and lenghas (skirts and short tops). Suits are either way too simple, overly floral (I never want to see floral prints ever again my life), or come in big, funky shapes and sizes. Lenghas tend to be way too over-the-top (when this one salesdude was showing my mom and I some hella fancy lenghas, my mom was like, if my daughter wears this, what's the bride supposed to wear? Good one, mom!), come in the most hideous colors imaginable (lime green, loud magenta, fart yellow), and try way too hard to be modern when it comes to the tops (I'm down with switching things up, but corset lenghas are not okay). Most of the ones I've tried on make me look like the Little Mermaid. Do I look like my name is Ariel?

Worse than one's own disappointment is dealing with the disappointment of the salesmen. "You don't like any of these? You're only going to buy two suits? I thought we were going to make more money out of you." What really pisses me off is when they think they know more than me, or have better taste than me. "Madam, this is fresh piece, one of a kind. People buy these right off the manican. Madam, of course the lenghas are going to be a little heavy, a little fancy. This is what everyone is wearing these days."

Trying stuff on is a whole other process. I don't know who told the salespeople it was alright for them to be all up in my fitting room. I open the door a crack to have my mom come look at an outfit, and somebody sticks their head in. "Maam, how is it? Maam, we can do alterations! Maam, should I pack it for you?!" I'm half-naked, please get off my grille and let me show my mom the outfit. At first I tried being polite, but soon I gave up. I know you can do alterations. I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to my mom. Be patient. I don't care what you think, I know what I like, so please keep your opinions to yourself.

It's great that they alter your outfits for you, it really is. Nothing would fit me otherwise. But for some reason there's a tendency to make stuff really tight around the bust, with stuff big and funky at the hips. Homie don't play that. "Maam, this is the style." No, it isn't. If that was the style, I wouldn't have bought the outfit in the first place. Why am I even talking to you? Call the tailor. I've learned by now that they never get it right the first time, and trying stuff on has become a daily workout. One also has to be weary of sketchy tailors who "accidentally" graze your butt while taking your measurements while your mom isn't looking. The bust measurement is awkward enough.

Shoe shopping is a whole other ball game. It's quite exciting. Some of the guys are very charming. They have you sit down, basically put the shoes on for you (this still makes me a little bit uncomfortable- I can put the shoes on myself, they really needn't serve me so much), and have options B, C, and D lined up in case you don't like the first. When you like something and ask for a size, they should out a style and a number to the guy upstairs (no, not God, the guy who runs the stockroom), who proceeds to shout orders back and throw boxes down from a hole in the ceiling to the guy on the ladder, who tosses it to your salesman, who slips it onto your foot. Guys yelling, boxes flying...it's a fun experience.

When I find the right outfit, with the right accessories, it's a high like no other. After long days of studying and research, I admit I'm a total sucker for retail therapy.