Honk Please, Use Dipper at Night

I've been in India for over a week now, and have talked to a total of about three people because I've found it nearly impossible to get competent wireless at home, and it's been tough getting out in the merciless heat to grab a rickshaw and go to the nearest cybercafe. Still, I thought I'd try my hand at blogging to keep people updated en masse, since errybody and they mama seems to be doing it. I'm clearly new at it and most of it will be me rambling, but do read if you have the time and internet capabilities (and know that I am deeply envious).

The 18 hours spent in the air were surprisingly painless, as I was asleep for over 50% of the trip. Only the last couple of hours from Hong Kong to New Dehli were particularly painful when a set of little baby boys were having what I could have sworn was a screaming contest. If you ask me, they both won.

After all that sleep, I was ready to quickly check in with Mamaji #1 and get to shopping (mamaji = mom's brother; mamiji = mom's brother's wife. Technically these are my mom's mamajis and mamijis, but I call them the same thing...Indian family trees are complicated. Note that I will be using numbers and not names to denote all the mamajis/mamijis I will be meeting along this trip, because it's just easier that way, not because I am completely heartless). This has to be the most awesome pair of 70+ people in Dehli. Super sophisticated, educated, appreciative, and basically just really awesome. Mamiji was really sweet and kind of hilarious. "You're too sweet! You have such good taste! You're so fair! (as she touches my bare knee) Why don't you wear some lipstick before you go shopping?" Er, I don't really wear lipstick, mamiji, but if you'd like I can put on some lip gloss...

Maybe it's because her grandson is a model. Seriously. You'd think a bunch of my family would be doctors and engineers (that is, if you adhere to ludicrous stereotypes), but here's a model whose face can apparently be seen at your local New Dehli McDonald's. "You have to see his portfolio! He has such a great body!" Umm, sure...if you...want me to, mamiji. Semi-awk, indeed.

Over the next couple days, I shopped til I dropped, visited Mamaji #2 in Ghaziabad, and visited Bangla Sahib, the big local Gurdwara. If you've met any dramatic old Indian women, that about sums up my visit in Ghaziabad, combined with the joys of playing with barbies and helping her granddaughter with her homework. It was surprisingly soothing to hear the six year old read and help her count backwards from 30 to prepare for her math quiz. The highlight was definitely watching her rip off the dolls' heads to change their dresses, though. Some of them were even interracial, if you will...picture a brown face on top of a white body. Hilarious.

Bangla Sahib was as huge and magestic and crowded as it always was. The Sarover (holy water people bathe in) was being renovated, but it was still really cool to see it. Now organized religion makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I grew up Sikh, and maybe it's because I visited that very Gurdwara dozens of times during my last trip to India with my dad, but there was something about visiting that kind of place of worship that can get you emotionally like nothing else can. It was a familiar, surprisingly comfortable feeling.

Shopping in Dehli really varies depending on where you go. The AC malls in Rajouri Garden are bougie and the tandoori chicken pizza was actually pretty damn good, the only drawback being that my mouth felt as if it were on fire afterward. Hella spicy. Now if you go to Ajmalkhan Road in Karol Bagh or Palika Bazar, that's where you gotta whip out them bargaining skillz. It's a madhouse. "Madam! Suits, kurtis! Madam! Pure leather bags! Madam! Yeh deklo!" I watched and learned from the best, mi mama. And then I got the owner of this shoe shop to go from 650 rupees all the way down to 200 rupees on these cute red sandals, roughly the equivalent of $5. So what if they turned out to be so cheap that the humidity made them stain my feet red like mendhi? I think I'm a winner.

The last thing I should address in this post is the title. First let me explain that there are various modes of transportation sharing the same roads in India. Bicycles, regular man-drawn rickshaws, auto rickshaws, scooters, family cars, trucks, taxis, and AC taxis (this last option is heaven sent, saved my sanity in Dehli). Now you may be wondering how all of these function in harmony. The short answer is that they don't. Basically, lanes are just for decoration. You honk in order to say "yo I'm coming" or "move, bitch, get out the way". On the back bumpers of many vehicles you'll read, "Honk Please, Use Dipper At Night", asking other drivers to kindly honk like mofos to announce that they're coming, or to accompany this by politely flashing their high beams when it's dark outside. I have a lot of admiration for every driver in Dehli, takes mad skillz and constant vigilance. Dilli main aap ka swagat hai. More to come soon.